Father's dream.

An admission ticket for an examination has come. Every time I make an application, I get nervous if I send it properly. I could do exactly, this time. Today, I'll get results announcement of the private university on the web. I hear that I can pass it on eighty-ninety percent, according to the judgement on self-marking. I'm expecting. But, what if I made mistakes on paper? I get antsy.

I listened my mother's speaking on the phone last night. She was talking about my father's dream. I've heard the same story three-four times. But my mother is always pleased with speaking it, so I don't care. My father's dream is to build a tiny medicobotanical garden. Medical plants are not only good for inner health, but also beautiful with simplicity. The year before last or more before, his ethical pharmacy was converted to a joint-stock corporation. This demutualization was done by my mother. She said "Increased employees should be paid a salary, even if we are monetarily poor." It was household industry till then, so my father could use income of his shop as he like, but now, because he is paid as a salary, he can't handle money freely. At first, he complained about so much because his personal income tax was so high. I heard, he should have paid his company's income tax calculated at possibility. But now, his company have stock enough, and he can have a new dream. My mother proudly says "your father is grateful to me!" in the end of her talk every time. Anyway, I'm glad, too.

Father, father, let me love you
Saw you wandering in my dream last night singing
Wonder, wonder what you might do
You can't simply hide our dream in the blue
(Father, Father)
*I thought that I should have had been given birth by a man all the time. I thought that I could be recognized something more easily by my father if I were his son. Daughters' feelings for their father are always complex.

Sometimes, I remembered my father's saying so long time ago. He said "I'm glad you to cease basketball. I was worrying about you, because you become too muscular." I couldn't believe that is my father's true colours. Because he doesn't talk so much, that was his very thought. I couldn't laugh and was so sad. I was hurt very very very much, and words failed me. I couldn't even speak against, because he looked so happy innocently. At that time, I thought "you should have said that as soon as I'd started playing." After a while, even now, I carry the cynical scars, but sometimes I think "I wonder I've wanted my father to know that I'm a wonderful daughter." If that is not him but my mother or my sister or brother, I could have spoken against with laugh. Now, I'm care for my father's new dream. His medicobotanical garden, it sounds marvelous.

After this National Center Test, my father driven to pick up me, and had dinner together. I had already known his interests, so I gave the words of the botanical garden. His eyes got blight, and he stated speaking pleased. I couldn't understand almost of his word, but I could know how he likes medical plants well. I should study medical plants in pharmacy school. I may be able to give him fun the next time.

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
(In My Life)
*I like Jonny Cash version of "In My Life" the most. You may think that is strange, but I can think that even if I could have nothing important of my life, I should be proud of myself.

According to my mother's said, though he wanted to be a calligrapher, he should have to be a pharmacy by the circumstances of the house. He looked not so happy in my childhood, because he was tied by the house. Only medical plants may have been pleasure to him, he started taking photos of plants. By the advice of his friend, he started asking a pro photographer for advice, and his photo became to be recognized in among a part of amateurs. The more praised his photo was, the more he became lost in photo. I watched his part of a photographer, I overlooked his part of a lover for plants. After he built his ethical pharmacy, he didn't take photographs so much. I cared about that, but his love for plants was going on.

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