2014/02/07

願望、整うらしい。

時がゆけば、幼い君もオトナになると気づかないまま、
今、春が来て、君はキレイになった。
去年より、ずっと、キレイになった。
(なごり雪)

Surely, I've thought somewhere in my heart that I could go back to my once place. But I realized it's impossible after taking a very long break. It's a commonplace if I think carefully, all of person close to me are living in their own life, and their time is passing slowly, but surely, without a break. While my long meditation, they were also living in their daily life. They could find someone who they need, and I found lonely feeling that "someone" replaced in as a substitute for me, and even though I've prepared that, I feel like that an important thing in my heart were taken. They seem to have already been walking in a new direction, while I seem to be staying in a old place. There is the distance that we can't even say "Hello" or "Good-bye." At last, I realized the most important and common thing that it's impossible to return to previous place. It can't be helped. I wonder we should have shared time. I miss my past lovely days.

ゆく河の流れは絶えずして、しかももとの水にあらず。
よどみに浮かぶうたかたは、かつ消え、かつ結びて、久しくとどまりたるためしなし。
世の中にある人と栖と、またかくのごとし。
(方丈記)

According to other people, even I may seem to advance to the different direction from them. Staying in one place, I thought a lot of things. Most of them are about my present self or my former self, but future. Sometimes, it does hurt me looking back the past. Sometimes, it still encourage me to stand on my foot here. Dreaming my life in the future seemed not a long-term target, but only a chimerical thing, I feared to be disappointed with myself. I couldn't but move towards only the very front, step by step.


Always taking ten steps back and one step forward
She's tired, but she don't stop
(She)

Spring is still approaching to us again this year.

苔むせる
山の岩が根
千代へても
動かぬほどの
心ならまし

I drew a written fortune one month later in the Shrine. The sacred lots told me in this way. "Making up your mind, without being upset and confused, only you have to do is serve until now. Without meddling in anything, be moderate--keep within hounds--in doing something." And "Your wish will be clear if you don't meddle." I like the fraise "Your wish will be clear". God only knows my future goes. After all, I can only see things what I can see. This simple thought made my mind clear.

******

When I write something in English with thinking slowly and carefully, I can feel like making myself honestly.
If you find out mistake in this article, please tell me secretly.

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