tender love.

After all of my examinations, I came back to my hometown. My new uneasiness and dissatisfaction is what about my grand-ma things. I couldn't understand when I was far from my home. When I heard it from my mother, it seemed to be so nonsense. But actually, the problems have so deep roots in my ancestor. My grand-ma was an adopted child. My grand-ma's grand-ma had adopted her child's child as her new child who to take a family name of my grand-ma's grand-ma. That was Nishimura. My grand-dad have married into my grand-ma's family when they were only teenagers. Though my grand-ma was brought as a dearest child in richer life, my grand-ma seemed to have felt unhappy because she weren't satisfied with love from her parents. She seemed to have wanted love or attentions from everyone all the time. In several years, just before she has forgotten all of her life, she looked to get soft and calm life finally. But after the accident that she has hitted her head on the corner of the table, she has forgotten everything and she remember her sadness. Recently, though she sometimes remembered her calm mind,  but she seems to be dreaming in her unsatisfied life. So, she always complains about everything to each of her helpers, or she behaves like a baby against her grand children. Her daughters seem to be running about in utter confusion everyday without thinking about her mother's uneasiness. They seem to think it's the best way to care of her with making scarifice of our all time or all feelings. (My grand-ma and my aunts seem to love "scarifice" all the time. But they never become conscious of that.) As a result, they also always complains about everything to everybody. Though they always say "we need take care of my mother with love", they sometimes skipps their promise without contacting, and abuse their mother's or our trust. I try not to complain about that, I try to stop the complaining chain, but I also complain about that to my sister. I know it's the vicious circle. I was tired of their complains or behaves in only two days. What makes us tired is not that to care of her but to get along with her unsatisfied. We should get the new way to continue taking care of my grand-ma with pleasing and calm.

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