Without being noticed.

When I prepared for many scenes for the photographs at one day, and I completely carried out that, I felt satisfied with myself the most. There were too many plans for the photographs to take in one day, and everyone said we would not be able to carry out all of them, let's turn the thing that there was not tomorrow. But tomorrow, we'd reserved another studio to make different scenes, and we had few budget, so I didn't want to slip the jobs to the next day. In that studio, there were many places to plan out. I immediately begged the staffs to build the rooms to fit the scene, and conducted the photographer and the chief director to the next scenes. My play was started when I made the staffs put the furniture of the product in line to be used. And one job was finished when they tidy the furniture up on the truck, and in the same time, when at next scene the photographer started taking photos, I was finishing building the new rooms at the other side with making the staffs carry the next furniture at the other side. I wanted to the photographer and the director apply to their plays without caring for chores, and I believed their applying brought our works fabulous. Finally, we could carry out our all plans in one day, contrary to our expectations. And the next day, we could take photos in correct plans. I was praised by myself for the first time I've worked. And the owner of the studio said to me, "All of your team have a great teamwork. Honestly, I'd thought you couldn't do any of the works completely. I'm proud of you." I thought my job was smooth and beautiful. And I thought I'll do better the next time. I've never felt like that even if I was praised with my texts in the magazines. And I thought, "I may rather want to labour in the background." Thinking back, I liked working not to be noticed my existence in the restaurant. Because I realized that it be possible for the first time we could have service before the guests noticed what they wanted us to do, and I thought that must be so beautiful work. When I worked in other place, I wanted to do chores without being noticed that I did it. For example, I wanted to see that people take the pen I prepared timely. And also, that I had wanted to play basketball as a PG or a SG might have suggested something to me. Many people had told to me to take more points, because I could do better and more skillfully than the player taller than me. But I didn't want to do that. I liked passing a ball at a very time to get the point. Or, I liked making a fine defensive play. I wanted to have a thankless but vital role. The roles looked so smooth and cool to me. I can see the scene in depth of my eyes. I can feel the move in depth of my muscle. In making the scenes, I remembered what was my pleasure. And I realized I wanted to work like that.


No one sees you here, roots are all covered.
There's such a life to go and how much can you show?
Day is gone on a landslide of rhythm.
It's in your lamplight burning low.
(Waking Light)




Checking my favorite blogs of my respect, after a long break, she restarted her blog. I could feel it be like responses to me, I was delighted very much. Her words are always honest and shape and fragile. I like her style of real. I'm a big fan of her articles. So, for a long long time ago, when I was invited to join her making a monthly magazine as an editor, I couldn't believe that it was real. I felt like as I was walking on the cloud. And I couldn't do anything when I'd worked with her. If I had known the above things, could I have worked better? I don't know, now. At that time, I'd boggled so much because there were so many talented people around me, and I couldn't believe that I could write anything like I felt that. I was frozen. No matter how much time passed, no matter how many jobs done, writing the articles looked too brilliant for me to realize that it was my real job. At last, I could not meet her expectation. That was so regretful to me. When I imagine her regret for me, I feel a pain in my heart.